Leaving it all behind

Its hard to say goodbye to something you have enjoyed for a little while. Its even harder to say goodbye when it all ends so quickly and you are left unto yourself. I recently finished the play Peter Pan. Like most plays, you spends months working upon it, making it some grand spectacular thing; then in a few short days it all ends. Minutes to tear apart what months took to build. This one was quicker than most with only four days of production. It really was a great production. I had the enjoyment of playing a pirate again. Hawkeye Pete lived again for a short while. Its really hard to express in a few short words how great the production really was. Now I'm left wondering when I'll see those people again. It won't ever be in the same setting with all of them ever again. For that I am saddened. It has finally come, the time for me to let the show rest, and to look towards the next show. Fare thee well, Peter Pan. Thy days were short and grand.

This blog wasn't created just to talk about the play. I've had a few things I've been keeping inside, letting them build and fester. I'm sure If I had been around people I wouldn't have been the greatest person to be around. I have had more than what I would deem my fair share when it comes to bad luck and hard times. While my whole world was crashing down around me, I lost some part of myself that I should never have let go. Now its time to get it back. I would be the first to tell you that it isn't the easiest thing to look on the lighter side or look for the good in the situation the past few weeks. In reality it sucked. Now I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to look to the good things I have in my life and work from there. Maybe its the coming holiday or something else, but I do feel as if I have a lot to be grateful for. Though times make it difficult to see; if I focus and pray, it is viewable.

I'm going to head towards greater things, shedding the skin of despair. I'm ready for Life's next adventure.

And for those reading, Thanks.

And then some...

So I get done with an awesome three performances of Peter Pan on Saturday and I hear a sound that none of us likes to hear coming from my back tire. That's right a flat. After all that strenuous work performing three shows, I get the pleasure of also changing a tire. I pulled over to the nearest place I could, sadly it wasn't as well lit as it could have been. It didn't take too long to change, the usual 25 minutes.

Now I have one more thing to add to my list of things I need to pay for, but don't have the money right now. This being the one of the most important since I need my car to get me places. Lets face it, as good as UTA is, it just isn't enough to get me to where I'm going unless I'm headed downtown or to the University (in those instances I take TRAX). Right now I'm just wonde3ring how long the donut tire will last me. Will it be with me long enough for me to go to job interviews, find a job, and last until the first paycheck comes around? That's what I'm praying for.

When the rain comes...

I really don't know how to put into words the things that I wish to say. I'll try starting this way.
Have you ever heard the old saying, "When it rains, it pours," ? As cliche and outdated as it sounds, I find it to be a true statement. In life's countless struggles, the only times we as humans ever truly acknowledge the rain fall in our lives is when it is coming down in droplets the size of golf balls.

These monstrous droplets of rain represent every bad situation that could happen at this time in my life. The funny thing about water is it sticks to itself; the more droplets you have, the bigger the puddle. It would seem that the puddles turned to lakes, and the lakes to oceans and it is still flooding.

This analogy is the best way to describe how my life is going right now. Now you don't have to worry too much, I am still swimming. I haven't given up hope yet....just not sure of things to come. This past week it all came down....things that I have been trying so hard to hold together fallen apart. I've been putting on a good front...not too many people would have noticed. Wednesday was the worst....I broke down. I don't let myself break down. Thursday and Friday weren't the best of days either.

It was during those moments when the clouds burst dropping larger and larger droplets of rain upon my already sinking ship.

I'm reminded of a dream I had a while back. I was at the helm, but only a portion of the massive wheel was visible to me. The other part was hidden inside a box. I struggled long and hard to pull the wheel out of the box, trying to gain more control of the vessel. With a huge pull the box disappeared and the wheel folded itself four times leaving a fraction of its former glory. What does this mean? I'll let you decide. Why I decided to share it, I'm not too sure.

Now I find myself very water logged and weary, but I still go on. Time will help. Sorry loyal readers if I sound too depressing.

I don't normally like to talk about my problems simply because they are my problems, mine to deal with, and mine to fix, mine to let fall apart, mine to wish they belonged to someone else. Are they challenges to strengthen character? Maybe. At least that is the thinking of great men. Thinking of someone stronger than me, a more perfect person. Maybe I should try talking to him.

The funniest thing is, that the day it all came crashing down...Wednesday, it snowed... My rainy day turned colder crystallizing the droplets... That's all I have to say about that.