Have you ever sat down and took stock of all the things that you have accomplished in the past year and wonder, wow, where did the time go? I am just amazed at how quickly this past year has disappeared.
It has almost been a whole year since I moved out here. Back then I felt that coming here was the right decision. I knew that even if I didn't fully understand the reasoning. I still don't. Somehow in the time that I've been here, I've lost track of a few things. I wasn't supposed to still be living in my Dad's basement, but here I am. I just can't believe it has been a whole year.
Too much time I have wasted. Its time to move on. Its time to move out. I just wish I had the funds to do so. Which means that though I feel it is time to move, I will have to wait a little bit longer until I am financially able to do so. I've been wanting to move out the day I moved in. So what has taken me so long? Why did I let myself be pulled into the doldrums of life? That's not me, that's not what I'm striving for.
No. It is time to move on. Time to actually set and achieve my goals. I'm hoping that in writing this that I can gain the confidence and motivation needed to actually follow through. For it is very hard to get going from being in a stagnant state. But it is time to actually do something. Time to feel like life is worth living again. No more holding back. No more hanging out in the cave just because it is a comfortable place to be. Its time to put myself on the line again.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Imagine...
While watching my favorite show to watch online, Chuck, I came across something a little unusual: A commercial featuring a talking dead man. To put your fears to rest, I'm not talking about a zombie or anything of the sort. I am however talking about an odd, cleaver and very disturbing manipulation of a man's image and a not so well impersonator creating the voice to help a charity.
At first I didn't know what I was watching, it starts so subtle that you have to listen to the key words or wait for the image to fully come clear. It sounded like a member of a certain British rock band from the sixties. But no, thought I, it couldn't be this man has been dead for more years than I have been alive. I've scarcely seen actual footage of him, unless you count that one movie based off of the one of the bands songs that I owned as a child. No not that one, the first one they did, before all the tripped out drugs and eastern learnings. The keys words then echoed in my mind, 'Imagine", "Learn", "Dream", "Achieve anything they want". Then came the most obvious statement: "I tried (past tense mind you) to do this with my music..." As I kept watching the images came into a focus, a picture on a screen of a man who seemed to be saying the words I was hearing. Yes that is right, the picture was of John Lennon, the Beatle who died in 1980.
Upon seeing this I was shocked, and instantly went to work researching the ad. Had they really just used John Lennon to try to promote their cause. Why would someone do such a thing. Why would they use someone who is dead when surely they can get someone who is living, someone who can actually give their opinion about the cause to help the cause. But no, this could not be done. This company had to "resurrect" someone, to try to get supporters. I was shocked to find out that the departed's wife Yoko Ono was supportive and gave them the footage to use.
If you look closely you can see that the words you hear are not the ones that John is speaking on the Television Screen, though they are close. And if you have actually seen and heard Lennon before, weither in real life or from recordings you would know that this voice isn't his. But to the untrained it might sound similar.
Again, my question is why? Was it to stir up the prolateriete, to get everyone in the country to wonder about this add so much that they tell their friends, blog to the world, and ultimately spend hours upon hours just thinking about it? All so that their name and reason for being could be heard? It seems the same as digging up a corpse. These praverbial Dr. Frenkensteins have uprooted a legend. Brought him back to life, and forced him to speak in their behalf.
Just to clarify, I'm not knocking the cause, just the means about which they do their buisness. Or advertising rather. Is it ethical? Well that would be something to think about.
My words to you One Laptop Per Child (OLPC) are thus: As another Beatle would so fondly put it, "Live and Let Die."
By the way, the video in question can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4b4GkGMiBDQ
At first I didn't know what I was watching, it starts so subtle that you have to listen to the key words or wait for the image to fully come clear. It sounded like a member of a certain British rock band from the sixties. But no, thought I, it couldn't be this man has been dead for more years than I have been alive. I've scarcely seen actual footage of him, unless you count that one movie based off of the one of the bands songs that I owned as a child. No not that one, the first one they did, before all the tripped out drugs and eastern learnings. The keys words then echoed in my mind, 'Imagine", "Learn", "Dream", "Achieve anything they want". Then came the most obvious statement: "I tried (past tense mind you) to do this with my music..." As I kept watching the images came into a focus, a picture on a screen of a man who seemed to be saying the words I was hearing. Yes that is right, the picture was of John Lennon, the Beatle who died in 1980.
Upon seeing this I was shocked, and instantly went to work researching the ad. Had they really just used John Lennon to try to promote their cause. Why would someone do such a thing. Why would they use someone who is dead when surely they can get someone who is living, someone who can actually give their opinion about the cause to help the cause. But no, this could not be done. This company had to "resurrect" someone, to try to get supporters. I was shocked to find out that the departed's wife Yoko Ono was supportive and gave them the footage to use.
If you look closely you can see that the words you hear are not the ones that John is speaking on the Television Screen, though they are close. And if you have actually seen and heard Lennon before, weither in real life or from recordings you would know that this voice isn't his. But to the untrained it might sound similar.
Again, my question is why? Was it to stir up the prolateriete, to get everyone in the country to wonder about this add so much that they tell their friends, blog to the world, and ultimately spend hours upon hours just thinking about it? All so that their name and reason for being could be heard? It seems the same as digging up a corpse. These praverbial Dr. Frenkensteins have uprooted a legend. Brought him back to life, and forced him to speak in their behalf.
Just to clarify, I'm not knocking the cause, just the means about which they do their buisness. Or advertising rather. Is it ethical? Well that would be something to think about.
My words to you One Laptop Per Child (OLPC) are thus: As another Beatle would so fondly put it, "Live and Let Die."
By the way, the video in question can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4b4GkGMiBDQ
Monday, December 29, 2008
Tis the season...
The past few days, I have been trying to put into words just how I feel this particular Christmas season. It has been no easy tast writing, deleting, and rewriting this blog however many hundred times I have done it. And Now I will give it another go, even if my computer is not displaying my words correctly as I type them.
This season, more that any other, has felt less like Christmas than I should have hoped. It could be because of the lack of travel on my part, or the fact that we didn't have a tree, or many other reasons. It just didn't feel like Christmas shoud feel. This year was not like year's past.
Being the youngest, and grown, leaves little of the old traditions that we used to have. No longer do I feel the need for waking up at 4 to scope out what was left under the tree. Usualy because it is already there before I go to bed. My brother was always the first up; I have always been a fan of sleep.
We'd look under the well lit tree for what seemed like hours, sometimes it was. My Parents would refuse to wake up before a certain time. Usually that ment 4 AM. We would sit down and one by one open gifts. Usually Mom would want pictures. I never understood why, all of us looked terrible, something about capturing the moment I guess. After the opeing, parents would be back to bed, while we would fall asleep watching one of the new movies we just aquired. Then around 8 or so, Mom would wake back up and make us breakfast.
All the old traditions are gone now. We have all grown up. It must be that time when I move on, and make new traditions with those I choose to have around me. Sure it is sad to lose those things you love to do, but joy can also be found in the new. I look forward to those many new Christmases. I will strive to make them better than what this one was.
Also don't think that I will be able to keep a new year's tradition that was started up a few years ago. And for that I am sorry. I'm just not able to make it to Idaho this year, even though I really really want to. Maybe the tradition can be altered slightly as to still keep it happening.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is, Merry Christmas to all!
This season, more that any other, has felt less like Christmas than I should have hoped. It could be because of the lack of travel on my part, or the fact that we didn't have a tree, or many other reasons. It just didn't feel like Christmas shoud feel. This year was not like year's past.
Being the youngest, and grown, leaves little of the old traditions that we used to have. No longer do I feel the need for waking up at 4 to scope out what was left under the tree. Usualy because it is already there before I go to bed. My brother was always the first up; I have always been a fan of sleep.
We'd look under the well lit tree for what seemed like hours, sometimes it was. My Parents would refuse to wake up before a certain time. Usually that ment 4 AM. We would sit down and one by one open gifts. Usually Mom would want pictures. I never understood why, all of us looked terrible, something about capturing the moment I guess. After the opeing, parents would be back to bed, while we would fall asleep watching one of the new movies we just aquired. Then around 8 or so, Mom would wake back up and make us breakfast.
All the old traditions are gone now. We have all grown up. It must be that time when I move on, and make new traditions with those I choose to have around me. Sure it is sad to lose those things you love to do, but joy can also be found in the new. I look forward to those many new Christmases. I will strive to make them better than what this one was.
Also don't think that I will be able to keep a new year's tradition that was started up a few years ago. And for that I am sorry. I'm just not able to make it to Idaho this year, even though I really really want to. Maybe the tradition can be altered slightly as to still keep it happening.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is, Merry Christmas to all!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Instead of sleeping...
This past month I have been finding myself staying up later and later, finding more and more excuses why not to go to sleep. I say to myself, if I was going to try to sleep, I would be finding it difficult to do so taking up to an hour to actually fall asleep. So logically, if I stay up for the time that I would just be lying on my back thinking, "I wish I was asleep," then I'm not really wasting any time. And in all reality I could be using my time to actually do something worthwhile. Then I get to starting something and think nah, this something will take so much time to do, and I don't really want to spend that much time doing it. So I don't usually get around to doing much of anything.
And it is at times like this that I'm reminded of a very peculiar little bear who nobody thought did much of anything. He just was. He was different than me. He didn't worry about the time it took to do something, or worry about finishing his tasks. He just went about his way doing what he thought would be best.
And as you can see, my mind has wondered and the post became random. I'm going to bed now.
And it is at times like this that I'm reminded of a very peculiar little bear who nobody thought did much of anything. He just was. He was different than me. He didn't worry about the time it took to do something, or worry about finishing his tasks. He just went about his way doing what he thought would be best.
And as you can see, my mind has wondered and the post became random. I'm going to bed now.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Leaving it all behind
Its hard to say goodbye to something you have enjoyed for a little while. Its even harder to say goodbye when it all ends so quickly and you are left unto yourself. I recently finished the play Peter Pan. Like most plays, you spends months working upon it, making it some grand spectacular thing; then in a few short days it all ends. Minutes to tear apart what months took to build. This one was quicker than most with only four days of production. It really was a great production. I had the enjoyment of playing a pirate again. Hawkeye Pete lived again for a short while. Its really hard to express in a few short words how great the production really was. Now I'm left wondering when I'll see those people again. It won't ever be in the same setting with all of them ever again. For that I am saddened. It has finally come, the time for me to let the show rest, and to look towards the next show. Fare thee well, Peter Pan. Thy days were short and grand.
This blog wasn't created just to talk about the play. I've had a few things I've been keeping inside, letting them build and fester. I'm sure If I had been around people I wouldn't have been the greatest person to be around. I have had more than what I would deem my fair share when it comes to bad luck and hard times. While my whole world was crashing down around me, I lost some part of myself that I should never have let go. Now its time to get it back. I would be the first to tell you that it isn't the easiest thing to look on the lighter side or look for the good in the situation the past few weeks. In reality it sucked. Now I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to look to the good things I have in my life and work from there. Maybe its the coming holiday or something else, but I do feel as if I have a lot to be grateful for. Though times make it difficult to see; if I focus and pray, it is viewable.
I'm going to head towards greater things, shedding the skin of despair. I'm ready for Life's next adventure.
And for those reading, Thanks.
This blog wasn't created just to talk about the play. I've had a few things I've been keeping inside, letting them build and fester. I'm sure If I had been around people I wouldn't have been the greatest person to be around. I have had more than what I would deem my fair share when it comes to bad luck and hard times. While my whole world was crashing down around me, I lost some part of myself that I should never have let go. Now its time to get it back. I would be the first to tell you that it isn't the easiest thing to look on the lighter side or look for the good in the situation the past few weeks. In reality it sucked. Now I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to look to the good things I have in my life and work from there. Maybe its the coming holiday or something else, but I do feel as if I have a lot to be grateful for. Though times make it difficult to see; if I focus and pray, it is viewable.
I'm going to head towards greater things, shedding the skin of despair. I'm ready for Life's next adventure.
And for those reading, Thanks.
Monday, November 17, 2008
And then some...
So I get done with an awesome three performances of Peter Pan on Saturday and I hear a sound that none of us likes to hear coming from my back tire. That's right a flat. After all that strenuous work performing three shows, I get the pleasure of also changing a tire. I pulled over to the nearest place I could, sadly it wasn't as well lit as it could have been. It didn't take too long to change, the usual 25 minutes.
Now I have one more thing to add to my list of things I need to pay for, but don't have the money right now. This being the one of the most important since I need my car to get me places. Lets face it, as good as UTA is, it just isn't enough to get me to where I'm going unless I'm headed downtown or to the University (in those instances I take TRAX). Right now I'm just wonde3ring how long the donut tire will last me. Will it be with me long enough for me to go to job interviews, find a job, and last until the first paycheck comes around? That's what I'm praying for.
Now I have one more thing to add to my list of things I need to pay for, but don't have the money right now. This being the one of the most important since I need my car to get me places. Lets face it, as good as UTA is, it just isn't enough to get me to where I'm going unless I'm headed downtown or to the University (in those instances I take TRAX). Right now I'm just wonde3ring how long the donut tire will last me. Will it be with me long enough for me to go to job interviews, find a job, and last until the first paycheck comes around? That's what I'm praying for.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
When the rain comes...
I really don't know how to put into words the things that I wish to say. I'll try starting this way.
Have you ever heard the old saying, "When it rains, it pours," ? As cliche and outdated as it sounds, I find it to be a true statement. In life's countless struggles, the only times we as humans ever truly acknowledge the rain fall in our lives is when it is coming down in droplets the size of golf balls.
These monstrous droplets of rain represent every bad situation that could happen at this time in my life. The funny thing about water is it sticks to itself; the more droplets you have, the bigger the puddle. It would seem that the puddles turned to lakes, and the lakes to oceans and it is still flooding.
This analogy is the best way to describe how my life is going right now. Now you don't have to worry too much, I am still swimming. I haven't given up hope yet....just not sure of things to come. This past week it all came down....things that I have been trying so hard to hold together fallen apart. I've been putting on a good front...not too many people would have noticed. Wednesday was the worst....I broke down. I don't let myself break down. Thursday and Friday weren't the best of days either.
It was during those moments when the clouds burst dropping larger and larger droplets of rain upon my already sinking ship.
I'm reminded of a dream I had a while back. I was at the helm, but only a portion of the massive wheel was visible to me. The other part was hidden inside a box. I struggled long and hard to pull the wheel out of the box, trying to gain more control of the vessel. With a huge pull the box disappeared and the wheel folded itself four times leaving a fraction of its former glory. What does this mean? I'll let you decide. Why I decided to share it, I'm not too sure.
Now I find myself very water logged and weary, but I still go on. Time will help. Sorry loyal readers if I sound too depressing.
I don't normally like to talk about my problems simply because they are my problems, mine to deal with, and mine to fix, mine to let fall apart, mine to wish they belonged to someone else. Are they challenges to strengthen character? Maybe. At least that is the thinking of great men. Thinking of someone stronger than me, a more perfect person. Maybe I should try talking to him.
The funniest thing is, that the day it all came crashing down...Wednesday, it snowed... My rainy day turned colder crystallizing the droplets... That's all I have to say about that.
Have you ever heard the old saying, "When it rains, it pours," ? As cliche and outdated as it sounds, I find it to be a true statement. In life's countless struggles, the only times we as humans ever truly acknowledge the rain fall in our lives is when it is coming down in droplets the size of golf balls.
These monstrous droplets of rain represent every bad situation that could happen at this time in my life. The funny thing about water is it sticks to itself; the more droplets you have, the bigger the puddle. It would seem that the puddles turned to lakes, and the lakes to oceans and it is still flooding.
This analogy is the best way to describe how my life is going right now. Now you don't have to worry too much, I am still swimming. I haven't given up hope yet....just not sure of things to come. This past week it all came down....things that I have been trying so hard to hold together fallen apart. I've been putting on a good front...not too many people would have noticed. Wednesday was the worst....I broke down. I don't let myself break down. Thursday and Friday weren't the best of days either.
It was during those moments when the clouds burst dropping larger and larger droplets of rain upon my already sinking ship.
I'm reminded of a dream I had a while back. I was at the helm, but only a portion of the massive wheel was visible to me. The other part was hidden inside a box. I struggled long and hard to pull the wheel out of the box, trying to gain more control of the vessel. With a huge pull the box disappeared and the wheel folded itself four times leaving a fraction of its former glory. What does this mean? I'll let you decide. Why I decided to share it, I'm not too sure.
Now I find myself very water logged and weary, but I still go on. Time will help. Sorry loyal readers if I sound too depressing.
I don't normally like to talk about my problems simply because they are my problems, mine to deal with, and mine to fix, mine to let fall apart, mine to wish they belonged to someone else. Are they challenges to strengthen character? Maybe. At least that is the thinking of great men. Thinking of someone stronger than me, a more perfect person. Maybe I should try talking to him.
The funniest thing is, that the day it all came crashing down...Wednesday, it snowed... My rainy day turned colder crystallizing the droplets... That's all I have to say about that.
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